My Tiffany

I’ve often sat and wept by my window
Wishing you’d walk past and say “hello”
Instead all I get is some weirdo
Asking me if I’ll make a por-no

Other times I pretend I’m not me
Follow you then hide behind a tree
I start doing something publicly
Maybe a frowned upon activity

In my dreams you are all mine
We eat caviar and drink wine
Your grapes are sweeter than my vine
Honey you can be my Valentine

I can promise I will never stray
Not even on your farting day
Although the smell may go away
If you use that pepper spray

But that only happens in my sleep
Neither your grapes nor pepper spray can I keep
And although my dreams are deep
All they do is make me weep